Child discipline is a crucial and emotional issue for parents of elementary children with child behavior problems. We worry endlessly about our children misbehaving and how we should handle it. Constant behavior problems make us feel frustrated and angry.

We detest having to punish our children. Learning how to efficiently discipline our children is an important skill that all parents must learn. Discipline is totally different from punishment. Instead, discipline has something more to do with teaching, and it involves teaching our children right from wrong, to respect the rights of others, and the difference between acceptable and unacceptable actions. Our aim is to help develop a child that will feel secure, loved, self-confident, self-disciplined and knows how to control his emotions & behavior. We want to raise a child that knows how to handle the frustrations and complications of everyday life.

Many of us need to learn better and more effective ways of disciplining our children. The kind of discipline that could help our child develop self-control and respect for authority. The two extremes of children that are spoiled, and those that are brutally disciplined, both face increased risk of emotional and behavioral problems. Just learning one new approach to discipline, as a parent, change our child’s development. If you are having problems disciplining your child, you should not berate yourself too much. Its far more important to remember to be flexible, and able to implement new ideas until something works. Remember that you may not be doing anything wrong. All children are unique and have different moods; therefore developmental levels and approach of discipline that may work with other children may not work with yours.

Children are unique and parents are no different. As you choose a discipline strategy, you’ll learn to adapt it so that it suits your family. Trying new ideas can be the most important skill you develop as a parent.

You should also understand that your behavior when disciplining your child will help to shape what your child sees as appropriate behavior. If you yield after your child repeatedly argues, becomes violent or has a temper tantrum, then he will learn, at an unconscious level, that you’ll always give in if he pushes hard enough. On the flip-side, if you are steadfast and consistent with sticking to your guns, then he’ll realize that it’s useless to fight with you.

Being consistent in your methods of discipline and punishment is the single most effective way to develop well-behaved children. This also applies to caregivers. Children will always to test their limits, and if you are inconsistent, you are encouraging more misbehavior.
Reminders about Discipline:

1. Stay calm and be patient. Never lose your temper in front of your child. Walk away if you are about to lose it.
2. Don’t give too much criticism, and keep it constructive. Nobody likes too much criticism.
3. Give praise, but avoid over-doing it.
4. Avoid dwelling on the bad behavior. Point out positive behavior and express how much you like it.
5. Never use physical punishment. This will only lead to resentment and hate.
6. Give rewards for good behavior, not only consequences for bad behavior.
7. Know the difference between rewards and bribes. Your child should do what is right because it is right and not only because he is being bribed.
8. Be a role model. Your child imitates you without consciously trying to. It’s simply natural behavior. So be aware of how you act.
9. Provide your child with a safe environment where he feels safe and loved.

Learn more about child discipline and find out what I highly recommend to parents on my blog about dealing with child discipline problems.

Of all the things you teach your child, discipline is both the easiest and the hardest to define – as strange as that may sound. We all know how a disciplined child looks and acts, but how do we explain what exactly gives that child discipline while another child is undisciplined? What do we mean by discipline to help correct child behavior problems?

One of the more insightful definitions of discipline, although the source is long lost, is that “discipline is doing what you know to be the right thing – even when it is inconvenient.” For a child, discipline is extremely difficult, because inconvenience often seems like the end of the world… “if I can’t have one more piece of cake, I’ll die!”

Dramatic dessert proclamations aside, how do we instruct children to do what they know to be right, even when it is inconvenient? How do we teach a child discipline, when we ourselves frequently don’t have enough of it? Whether it’s our diet, our exercise routine, the housework, or even our jobs – adults frequently, and to our own detriment, do not display as much discipline as we should. How can we teach our children something we do not ourselves seem to know?

The answer, of course, is that we have far more successes than failures in the realm of discipline. To a child, discipline is frequently portrayed as doing the right thing all the time, at every single opportunity. In reality, of course, we do not show perfect discipline at all times… but we show a remarkable amount of it. We shower every morning, change our clothes after work, cook dinner every night, brush our teeth two or more times a day – there are a great many things we do that are inconvenient, but we still have the discipline to do them.

To teach your child the importance of discipline, focus on the success, and not the failure. Rather than simply chastising the child for not cleaning his bedroom or brushing her teeth, make sure to see and recognise the discipline your child does display; sitting through an entire movie, helping to load the dishwasher, even the smallest things are – to your child – discipline. Notice the choices your child makes, and recognise the ones that show an understanding of discipline.

The focus on positive discipline, and not on the lack of it, shows your child discipline every day; not only in the things your child does, but in the things you do. Understanding that discipline is not an all-or-nothing concept, but something that should be held most of the time, can go a long way in helping your child understand discipline… and develop a healthy amount of it in adulthood.

Learn more about child discipline and find out what I highly recommend to parents of defiant kids at http://myproblemchild.net/recommends

When you first entered the wonderful world of parenthood, this is not what you signed up for is it? Parenting just shouldn’t be that hard! Please read on for three effective discipline techniques to avoid child behavior problems that will get your kids to start cooperating with you and put an end to defiant behavior making your life a whole lot easier.

Defiant behavior feels like a battle!

Constantly battling your defiant child even over what seems to be the simplest and most trivial matters can wear you down and max out your frustration levels. Thankfully, you CAN stop defiant behaviour and get your kids to listen as well as actually cooperate with you using a variety of effective discipline techniques.

Try these three tips for stopping defiant behavior and parenting defiant kids at your house…

Draw a line in the sand and don’t cross it.

The ability of a young child to understand and respect boundaries is learned by setting limits. You play a crucial part here in making sure you are consistent and stick to these limits especially when it comes to effectively disciplining your toddler or child.

Once you have made up your mind on what behaviors you definitely will not tolerate then hold true to those limits at any cost. To discuss a real life scenario, perhaps your child shows defiant behavior when it comes to crossing the road and their refusal to do this while holding hands. This is your chance to set a limit whereby roads are only ever crossed in the safety of holding your hand. Your child will learn very quickly that defiance in this occasion is useless if you make it crystal clear that there is no other option.

Offering your child two choices is powerful…

Children, especially defiant ones like to feel some level of control even if it is only a low level. Instead of asking your child what they want to wear when getting dressed in the morning, only offer them two choices. This breaks the defiant behavior pattern, takes the focus away from the power struggle of getting dressed and allows your child to feel as though they have had a small win and that they have maintained some level of control. This two choices strategy works equally well at snacks and meal times and makes the art of cooperation much easier and also remains quite natural.

Predictable consequences help seal the deal…

One of the most crucial aspects of stopping defiant behavior is in making sure you are consistent in your response to inappropriate behaviors and actions. Delivering mixed messages and uncertain consequences after you have already told your child that action A leads to consequence B is a guaranteed way to make sure that these behaviors will again be tried in the future to see what response they bring this time. Your response to poor behavior and defiant actions must be timely and the same each occasion so your defiant child understands that the result of this behavior will be negative and unwanted. Your child will be much happier to comply without the need for defiance once they understand this concept.

We all like warnings and notice…

As an adult, how annoying is it for us to be ordered to do something or go somewhere, without notice, and especially if we are already right in the middle of doing something? Believe it or not, children are the same and an interruption to play time, a project, meal time or just plain old quality toddler time is not often well tolerated especially if it is an unexpected surprise.

Like us, children need advance warning and a bit of notice when we want them to do something or go somewhere that interrupts their activity at the time. Giving your child a five or ten minute warning for when you want to make a change is the best way to prevent defiant behavior when you want them to move onto doing something else. Turning off the TV when it is time for bed is wrought with defiance however giving your children a ten minute warning before the TV is shut off can work wonders. It sure makes things easier in my house!

Are you considering your child’s feelings?

Feelings such as jealousy, insecurity or anxiety that your child is having trouble understanding or dealing with can result in defiant behavior. If you can identify a pattern in your child’s defiant behavior, see if the root cause stems from an un-handled specific emotion. To conquer the associated defiant behavior, discuss these feelings with your child and try to straighten them out and put them at ease.

Need some additional tips on how you can learn to stop defiant behavior?

Please take a closer look at the Ace Child Discipline Guide by visiting http://www.theterribletwos.org

You will find 150 specific discipline techniques that you can start using together with your child instantly to stop defiance and reduce defiant behavior fast!

Best of luck and never stop loving them – no matter how naughty they are:)

Cameron Abel

We live in a world that is technology advanced. Everything that we see, and everything that we used is all about things that makes life easier for all of us. But discipline should still be a priority in parenting because it may lead to child behavior problems if left unattended.

Because of this, we also think that it is only right that the attitude of kids towards their parents must be updated with the way we all live today. Now, this is where we all make a mistake. Not because we live in a technology driven world, it doesn’t mean that we have to allow the bad behaviors of our kids towards us. Now, we will talk about 2 non-violent ways on how to discipline kids. Read on!

1. Spend time with your kids and talk to them – If you want the chaos in your house to stop, then you need to actually spend time with your kids and be able to talk to them. While doing the whole process you can also take the time to listen to them. Sometimes, it is the simplest things that matters to them. Like you giving them the attention that they so deserve. If you start spending time with your kids, then it will be easier for you to know what they are going through, and won’t even have to deal with constant chaos. This is indeed one of the best ways on how to discipline kids.

2. Don’t yell and don’t hit your kids – Yes, you may be all angry and frustrated with the way your kids are acting up. But this does not mean that you have to yell at them and hit them. Hitting a kid is something that you should not even consider. It will only hurt you and them in the process. What is more, there will be a tendency that your child will rebel more. They will feel that you no longer care for them. Again, this is not the best way on how to discipline kids. So refrain from doing it. All you need is a little time to listen to your kids. Cool down if you feel like you are about to lose it. Once you are all calmed down, then you can proceed with having a talk with your kids.

It is not that hard to raise a child when you know how to discipline kids. It is all about being able to communicate with them, and allowing them to voice out their concerns to you. So take the time to talk and actually listen to your kids.

Are you frustrated and exhausted from arguing constantly with an oppositional, defiant child? Do you “walk on eggshells” around your child, avoiding conflicts that will “set him off?” Have you tried everything to stop the hostility, anger and aggression and all you get is more of it?

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What is the most frequently asked question about child-raising? Discipline!

Children behavior problems can leave parents baffled, bewildered and burned out. Parents

often attempt to lay down the law, but they experience varying degrees of
success.

“What’s the most effective punishment?” parents want to know. Some even ask,
“How can I show my kid that I’m boss?” Unfortunately, these are the parents who
are frustrated time again when their child, after receiving punishment,
retaliates even more or continually performs the same misbehavior that drives
their parents nuts!

Why is it that some discipline doesn’t seem to work?

Punitive Discipline Leads to Greater Problems

There is a discipline dilemma that is rampant across the nation. Yet, most
parents don’t even know it really exists. Have you ever attempted to deal with a
problem child or problem behavior only to have to deal with it again and again?
Punitive discipline tends to only teach our children to not get caught next
time! This dilemma is created by the following pattern:

Parents’ preferred modus operandi for child-raising: Discipline.

Problem: Child acts out in overt and covert ways the more frequently and harshly
they are disciplined.

Is there a way to discipline that motivates children to actually want to be well
behaved? Fortunately, there is. There is hope!

Using Consequences to Your Benefit

It’s a simple, well-known law of nature: every action has a reaction–a
consequence. And consequences can be one of the most powerful discipline tools
you can use to encourage positive behavior in your children.

There are two basic kinds of consequences that are most helpful to moms and
dads. These are:

1. Divine Intervention Consequences–Commonly known as “natural
consequences,” these consequences occur when Mother Nature is allowed to step in
and take her course without interference. Some examples include:

o Your child is cold after deciding not to wear his jacket.

o Your child is hungry because she forgot her lunch.

o Your child is tired because he decided to stay up reading late last night.

2. Commonsense Consequences–Also known as “logical consequences,” this
type of consequence requires an intervention by you that is fair, kind and
reasonable. The litmus test to ensure that a consequence makes common sense is
to ask yourself, “If I applied this to a friend, would it seem reasonable to
them?” Some examples include:

o Turning the TV off if the kids are fighting over which show they want to
watch.

o Having your child clean up the mess she made.

o Taking your child immediately out of the bath when he is splashing water all
over the bathroom.

Be Kind With Your Consequences

It’s easy to fall into the trap of using consequences as punishment, especially
with a child who frequently acts up. But as I discuss on pages 136-137 of my
book When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You,
it’s important that your consequences are kind and respectful.

Keep these steps in mind when using consequences:

1. Choose a “commonsense consequence” that is related to your child’s
behavior–Grounding and taking away privileges are sometimes unrelated to the
misbehavior. If your child is interrupting, forgets to do her chores, or has a
temper tantrum in front of his friends, how does taking away TV time help? If
your consequence is unrelated, a power struggle is likely to ensue. Instead,
keep the consequence related to the misbehavior at hand.

2. Prepare your child for the commonsense consequence–Give your children
fair warning, but only once. Respectfully tell them what you have decided to do,
but don’t remind them every five minutes. Nagging never gets results.

3. Follow through with the consequence–Do what you said you were going to
do. This is not the time for reminders, hints or “second chances.” Chances only
teach our children to not listen to us the first, second, and sometimes even the
third time!

4. Evaluate–Be open to making small changes after you have experimented
with it for at least one month. The key to success is that you stay kind, firm
and consistent.

Talk with Your Feet

Following through with consequences doesn’t require a lot of talk. Instead, I
encourage parents to let their feet do most, if not all, of the talking. What do
I mean by this?

Often, when parents are following through on a consequence, they will justify it
or explain. Such justifications include:

1. I told you I was going to ________ if you did _________.

2. The reason you have to do __________ is because you did __________.

3. If you had done ___________ like I asked you to, you wouldn’t have to do
____________.

Instead of justifying or explaining, just take action. “Talk with your feet” by
following through with the consequence, no explanations needed. As the old
saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words,” and this is nowhere more true
than in the realm of parenting.

Focus on the Benefits

Once you’ve eliminated the nagging, you can encourage positive behavior by
focusing on the benefits of such behavior.

This is perhaps one of the top parenting tools of the trade. All that is
required is awareness of your children’s general daily routine–and what parts of
that routine they like most.

For instance, if you want your children to clean up the game they were just
playing, and yet you know they are already thinking about the next thing in
their schedule–listening to their favorite music–you might say something like,
“Before you go and enjoy your music, you get to put the game away.”

(As a side note, notice the use of “get to” rather than “have to.” Try to keep
your tone positive, and you’ll reap positive results!)

It’s pretty much guaranteed that your children will say, “Can’t we clean up
later?” Simply continue to focus on the benefit. “The quicker you clean up, the
quicker you will be able to enjoy your music.”

Always Stay Positive

When parenting gets rough, it’s very tempting to come down harder and harder
each time your child misbehaves. Yet it is important, especially with problem
children, to encourage your children in good behavior, not discourage them with
constant nagging. A good balance of commonsense consequences and focusing on the
benefits will yield wonderful rewards.