Bullying is a phenomenon that children often have to deal with and as parents it is up to you to help them cope with it and overcome the fear of bullies. Bullying is seen to occur in schools and colleges across the world and if not treated and addressed early on, it can have devastating effects on child development. The child becomes weak and unable to stand up for himself/herself in life.
Bullies are usually people who have deep insecurities and bully others in order to face the insecurities. They look for weak people, preying upon them because it makes them feel strong and powerful. Usually soft spoken and weak children become targets that bullies pick on.
Let us deal with this topic in a systematic manner. The following are a few pointers parents can follow helping them address the problem of bullying. Let us say your son, named Jack, gets bullied everyday in school and comes home sad and crying, lamenting always that he does not like the children who bully him. Here is what you can do:
1) Ask Jack the names that the bullies call him. Then try and explain to him that name-calling can not really hurt him. There is an excellent story in this regard: once there was a sage who lived in a hermitage in a forest with his disciples. One day, when he was giving a sermon explaining the ancient scriptures, a lady came into the sermon and started abusing the old sage accusing him to be a fake. At this the old man just kept silent and quiet, having a slight smile gracing his face. The lady left and the furious disciples asked the sage why he did not say anything to the lady. The sage told them that she had come to give him some gifts, and since he did not like the gifts, he did not take the gifts. The gifts were her harsh words. The sage remained calm and equipoise resuming his sermon as if nothing had happened. You can explain to Jack that he does not have to accept the gift of the bullies.
2) Explain to him what is happening, that they pick on him because he reacts when he cries. And they feel good and continue.
3) The magnet theory. Likes attract. Opposites move away. If he were to become strong and confident like them, they will no longer bother him.
4) Make a chart, putting up smiley faces whenever he does not react. Reward him for this.
5) Discuss with him how he overcame bullying. Tell him you are proud of him.
6) Ask him how long it takes the bullies to find new prey.
Read more on smart parenting and how to face bullies at school … Child Safety Tips
Bullying may be the worst experience of your child while growing up in school. But when handled effectively, parents can use bullying for child development, to help them become stronger. Moms and dads should let their children feel that they are not alone in overcoming this social problem.
Whether bullying is physical or verbal, the point is it can be very painful for children. The problem becomes worse if the child tries to go through the motions alone. Parents should take on an active role to make sure bullying ends.
Self-esteem is the best value we can teach out children to help divert any negative impact of bullying. Their resilience will be strengthened when they feel that parents are right behind them to support them. Here are ways one can help their children develop resilience and self-esteem:
Make them feel that many people love them - that the bullying is just an aberration. Let them know that it is the bully with issues and behavioral problems and not him/her.
You may not be able to solve the bullying problem immediately but make sure that you are there to give your child some emotional support. Listen to the problem. Sometimes listening to the problems of children develops their own problem-solving abilities.
Proceed to dissect the problem with your child to offer solutions on how to approach the bully. Must the bully be ignored? Or is it better to confront the bully and tell them to stop. You can also try to coordinate with your child’s teacher as the bully may be having communication troubles himself. Also, it is better to involve the parent of the bully in the solving process.
Teach social skills with your children. They are less likely to be targets of bullying if they are exuding self-esteem and confidence. Start with their posture - no slumped backs. Also, make sure they can communicate well with their peers.
Your child comes home with blood on his shirt. When you ask what happened, they tell you that they fell down or something like that. You wonder if your child is dealing with schoolyard bullies.
A schoolyard bully is a child, often bigger than their peers, who uses their size as a means to manipulate and take advantage of other children. Often the bully senses the vulnerability of other students and capitalizes on those feelings. They try to gain control of other children by use of intimidation and sometimes violence.
Children who are bullied are easily manipulated. They have low self-esteem and may become anxious or depressed. Unfortunately, depending upon the severity of the bullying a child receives, they may turn into the very thing that they hate. They may become a bully when they get older.
Children who are bullies often become a bully because they feel inadequate in some way. Perhaps their parents are divorced or one of them is abusive. If they are manipulated through violence it may be the only way they know how to get the recognition they need and desire.
Tell your child that no matter what is happening you’re there for them. Be sure they understand that you want to help them and they can tell you anything. They may feel intimidated to the point that they are afraid to talk to you. Reassure them that whatever is happening isn’t their fault.
You can help your child deal with the situation by helping them to not be an easy target for a bully. Teach them to stand up straight, speak with a clear voice, and to look their peers in the eyes. By carrying themselves in this way, they will not appear weak or vulnerable. Explain to them that bullies generally try to find children that are alone where that they can’t be seen or heard.
Many parents, when learning that their child has been bullied, decide to enroll their child in martial arts classes so they can take care of themselves. This may not be the best course of action. Violence often breeds violence and you don’t want to encourage your child to start down that road.
Sometimes kids can be cruel without being a bully. When it’s your child that has been the victim of bullying, you want to do whatever possible to get the bullying to stop and for your child to be safe. Perhaps your child isn’t dealing with schoolyard bullies, but to be on the safe side, you may want to speak with your child’s school so they can be aware of the situation and to take care of any problems.
