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Child Behavior Problems - Can Angry Attention Make Kids Worse?

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When parents become angry in response to child behavior problems, they might be inadvertently encouraging the unwanted behavior. Here is why…

All children need attention, and, for various reasons, some children need a lot of attention. Any attention tends to increase the behavior that it follows, especially focused attention, and nothing is more focused than intense anger.

So if you have a child who needs lots of attention, and you give that child a lot of powerful, intense, angry attention, they are very likely to repeat the behavior that sparked your anger in order to get even more of that juicy attention.

Also, children tend to mimic the behavior of their parents, so if you are aggressive with them, they are more likely to be aggressive towards you and others.

Children Don’t Anger Parents Deliberately

I’m not saying that the average attention-seeking child consciously enjoys angry attention. To the contrary, most children find it very uncomfortable and distressing, and would much rather have gentle, positive attention, however it is their unconscious mind that is in control, craving the intense angry attention.

It’s not just aggressive forms of attention, such as shouting, smacking, that can create a problem. Nagging, lecturing and fussing are also very satisfying forms of attention for an attention-hungry child.

Parents Can Get Addicted Too

The other important part of the equation is that parents can get in the habit of giving negative attention to their children for unwanted behavior.

When a parent is repeatedly frustrated by a child, it is easy to get in the habit of continually criticizing them, not trusting them, and finding many things they do to be annoying. This habit can develop in any close relationship, be it with a spouse, sibling or parent, but in the parent-child relationship the effect can be most destructive.

Children tend to internalize the messages and labels their parents give them. So if they are frequently being criticized by their parents, they will believe that they are the naughty, difficult person they are told they are.

How to Break the Habit

To help the attention-hungry child get over their craving for negative attention, parents must give them copious quantities of positive attention for good behavior, and simultaneously starve them of negative attention for bad behavior. This will encourage the good behavior and extinguish the bad behavior, while satisfy the child’s need for attention. It will also improve their self esteem and desire to please you, and reduce stress levels on both sides.

So, if you have a child who is frequently disobedient or angry:

  • Try to minimize the attention you give to them for the unwanted behavior.
  • Put into place a simple, clear strategy, such as counting followed by time out, to deal with the behavior, and use this consistently and persistently.
  • Avoid discussion or too much eye contact.
  • Stay relaxed and calm, but assertive.
  • Keep mindful that your child is not consciously trying to provoke you; they are just reacting to the situation and their emotions in a way that they have learned to react.
  • Try to ignore the small stuff. Only use the discipline strategy with the worst behaviors. You can work on any other annoying behaviors once they master these.
  • And most importantly, give them plenty of positive attention for the opposite, desirable behaviors. For instance, give them plenty of praise when they obey a command, or play nicely with their sibling, or get ready for school on time, or pick up their clothes, or have a calm day without a tantrum. This step is crucial, especially whilst you are weaning them off their addiction to negative attention.
  • You could also introduce age appropriate reward systems to encourage your children, such as reward charts, or tokens that could be spent on fun activities with you, like throwing a ball, or playing a board game.

Giving your children an abundance of positive attention for desirable behavior and minimizing the negative attention you give them for undesirable behavior should improve your child’s behavior and self-esteem, as well as positively affect your relationship with them, especially if you throw some family fun into the mix. And as your child’s self esteem grows and your relationship with them improves, you might find that their general need for attention diminishes, leaving you with a happy, well-adjusted, easy-to-manage child.

For more parenting tips and parent courses go to www.psychologythroughtheinternet.com and www.childtrainingsecrets.com

Lorri Craig is an Australian Psychologist with a private practice in Brighton in the UK. She has 30 years experience working therapeutically with adults and children. Lorri’s dream is to bring psychology to a wider international audience in a much more convenient and affordable way through her website, Psychology Through the Internet. Lorri runs online training programs for parents and has created a series of quality, affordable parent training videos.

New Data on Attention in Children With ADHD

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New findings presented today show that CONCERTA is the only stimulant medication with data that demonstrate a significant treatment effect on attention at one hour and through 12.5 hours in children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). ADHD is a common and treatable child behavioral problem characterized by inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity(1) that is estimated to affect about 5 million children(2) in the United States.

McNeil Pediatrics(TM), Division of Ortho-McNeil-Janssen Pharmaceuticals, Inc., presented the data at the U.S. Psychiatric and Mental Health Congress (Poster 303: Time Course of Treatment Effect of Concerta® [OROS® Methylphenidate] in Children with ADHD).

“Untreated ADHD symptoms can present challenges throughout a child’s day, so new findings on onset and duration of effect are important to understand,” said Matthew Brams*, M.D., a practicing psychiatrist in Houston, Clinical Assistant Professor at Baylor College of Medicine and an investigator who participated in one of the studies. “There’s benefit in medication that acts quickly and lasts through the day, providing treatment coverage when a child may need it in the early morning, through the activities of the day and into the early evening hours.”

The results presented today showed significant improvements in attention with CONCERTA® versus placebo as measured by a validated, time-sensitive math test administered throughout the day.

At one hour post-dose, subjects who received CONCERTA® attempted 38 percent more math problems compared with baseline (from 75.8 problems attempted before treatment to 104.4 problems attempted after treatment), while those receiving placebo showed no change from baseline (from 80.6 problems attempted before treatment to 80 problems attempted after treatment).

The results were statistically significant throughout the study’s interim time points, from the first testing point at one hour after dosing (p<0.0001) through to the final assessment at 12.5 hours (p<0.0001). Accuracy, as measured by percentage of problems correct, was similar for both treatment groups and was consistent across the period of observation (placebo, 92.1 percent to 93.5 percent and CONCERTA®, 94.0 percent to 94.3 percent).

SOURCE McNeil Pediatrics(TM)

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